Am I Really Grateful for God?

The Gratitude Journal 


    This morning I decided to dig out my old gratitude journal and restart that habit. I went back to the very beginning to see when I actually started this journal, because I certainly have not been faithful to it, and I saw that the very first entry was the day my husband got his desired job at his company. I scanned through a few more pages, reminiscing on everything I wrote out that I was grateful for each random day, until I finally got to today's page and started to fill it out. About five lines down I wrote I'm grateful for "God – obviously". 


And then I stopped and thought about it. Why did I write that? Why did I feel the need to add 'obviously'. 

 Did I write that because I truly meant it or did I write that because I would have felt guilty for leaving God off my list? 

Stopping and really thinking about it, am I truly grateful for God?  I realize that yes I can say and believe I am, but is that really the posture of my heart? 

When's the last time I spent undisturbed, meditative time with God? When's the last time I stopped and looked all around me at nature and was truly in awe of Him and His creation? 

What's it going to take for me to get back to that point? 

Looking over the list of things that I'm grateful for and having my God, my Lord, and my savior to be the sixth item down is not how I want to live my life. 

I want Him to be the first and foremost of everything. I want Him to be the first thought on my mind when I wake up and I want Him to be the last thought on my mind before I fall asleep in the evening. I want Him to be at the forefront of every decision that I make and before, as I look at my husband and think how much I love him, I want the posture of my heart to be so full of gratefulness for God in providing me with my amazing man to walk life with. 

I'm gonna try to stay faithful to this gratitude journal just to give myself pause before I start my day to really think about the things that are wonderful around me, and I'm going to draw closer to God after filling out that journal and my goal is to make God the first thing that I am grateful for the proceeding lists without even having to think about it. 

I want my heart to be so full of love and gratitude toward my God that I have no choice but to spill that announcement out on paper. 

He is worthy and He is worth it. He deserves first.

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